How Much Fighting in a Relationship Is Normal?

Every couple fights. Even people who seem to be in a “perfect” relationship have arguments, and it’s perfectly normal.

In fact, arguing the right way can actually strengthen your relationship, rather than tearing it down.

While some arguing is normal and expected in relationships, most people can tell when regular fighting becomes a problem. You might even ask how much fighting is normal? Should you be disagreeing about every little thing? Are you exhausted because you never know when your next argument will come out of nowhere?

Let’s look at how much fighting is considered “normal” and what you should do if you’re worried that you’re fighting too much in your relationship.

Why Fighting Is Actually Important

No matter how much you and your partner have in common, you’re still two different people. You will not agree on everything. Even if you have the same end goals, you might disagree on how to achieve them.

Fighting is actually more important in a relationship than you might think.

If you’re not arguing about certain things, you’re also probably not voicing your opinions or beliefs as much as you should. If you’re with someone who truly cares about you, you should feel comfortable expressing yourself around them.

Or, if you’re just agreeing with everything they say or choosing to sweep things under the rug, you could do more harm than good. Emotions always demand to be felt. It’s better to get them out in the moment rather than allow them to grow and get stronger.

Arguing the right way—showing respect and staying on topic — will cause you to become a stronger couple, and will improve your communication skills.

When Fighting Becomes a Problem

It’s okay to argue every day if you’re working out a complex issue. However, you can tell when you’re fighting “too much” if you and your partner can’t seem to agree on a single thing. That’s especially true for little things that don’t even matter much.

If you’re nit-picking and arguing just because you’re annoyed or frustrated with each other, it doesn’t matter how often you’re fighting. What matters is why you’re fighting.

You’re probably also fighting too much if you think there has to be a “winner” to every argument. Healthy fighting doesn’t always have a clear winner and loser. Rather, it’s about coming to a healthy conclusion together, and compromising when it’s necessary.

How Can You Be a Better Fighter?

If you feel like there’s too much fighting in your relationship, stop and consider why. Are you fighting about important things or are they petty disagreements? Is there a subject that keeps creeping back in? Is there something you know you’ll never agree on, but you both keep bringing it up, anyway?

When you look at the “why,” you’ll dig deeper into the root of the problem, and you’ll have a better chance of working things out.

With more complex issues that need to be fleshed out, choose to be more effective with your argument.

Be respectful. It might not always feel like it, but you and your partner are on the same team. The more you remember that, the easier it will be to give them the respect they deserve. Stay calm, even if that means telling your partner you need a few minutes to cool off before talking about a certain subject.

Most importantly, stay in the present. Bringing up past hurts or problems will only make your partner feel like you’re hitting below the belt (or vice versa). Focus on one issue at a time, and you’re more likely to get through it more easily.

If you’re worried you might be fighting too much in your relationship, reach out for help. It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed or destined for a lifetime of arguing. With an expert couples therapist from you and your partner can work on these issues and help you both become more effective, efficient fighters while letting go of the small stuff.  To get started click the search button listed below…

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